ATTITUDES and VALUES

without making an intentional stand to be part of the solution
for a better world ....
is simply not an option for mature caring people

see where in our daily life we place our priorities.

Where do we invest our financial resources.

Sublime judgements we make many many times each day.

But they are manageable !

Many of our "attitudes" are founded in generalization. They can impact every center of fitness we have: spiritual, mental, physical, financial, vocational and social. We MUST routinely observe our generalization-based attitudes and work on removing unnecessary, untrue or unhealthy ones. Generalizations are sneaky. They hide in the sublime part of our mind, and influence so many little day to day experiences in our lives. For the most part they are less than useful; They are harmful ! We need routine introspection to find them in ourselves, and then contemplative maintenance to diminish and remove them or make them inert. Some important areas where we will find ourselves holding generalizations are: racial, money, the opposite sex, sexual intimacy, religion, our boss, politics, food and work. There are of course many other areas that can have major impact in our lives, and we should routinely review and list all the generalizations we can observe and hold. Whether we intend to change them or not, we need to look at them. If after discovering them, we find that they are not really beneficial in our life, we need to begin to change them.

Attitudes stemming from generalization are a big trap here. We are typically taught that certain races have specific traits, and then visualize generalizations that "seem" to fit. Then we see (and remember) incidents that support these biases and ignore (or forget) those times that would have disproved them, or relegate them to rare insignificance. Whether a defensive "they don't like me" or an offensive "they are worthless"; negative biases in this area are among the most damaging to our society.

Money is not the root of all evil. The old saying; "the love of money is the root of all evil" is focussed on an inappropriate attitude relating to money. Loving money, an inanimate object, is often a power trip. Rooted in an attitude of fear towards others, and the subsequent desire to dominate them in order to "be safe". Many times our root problem may be the "habit" of buying things in order to satisfy our inner insecurities that makes money a trouble in our life. In this case we incorrectly think that we need more money. So, instead of looking inside ourselves to find the root of the problem, we spend excessive time chasing more and more financial resources in an endless effort. If we "feel" that money is a problem in our life, we need to look deeper into our values and attitudes to find the real areas that are creating this. Sure, there are many times we need to find ways to improve our earning capabilities, but we must look at our ability to budget, and the reasons we spend as much as we do.

Disrespect for the opposite sex is an epidemic. We are each very sensitive to personal rejection, and the very nature of seeking a mate exposes us to repeated rejection. In the attempt to support our ego (in an unnecessary way) following an instance of rejection (or even an imagined one) we too often create or repeat in our minds and to others, many generalizations that are only seldom (if ever) true. The result is that our relationship with the opposite sex is often phony. We are inordinately drawn to them on one hand and inappropriately repulsed by them on the other. Generalizations here will seriously impede our ability to hold a rich and satisfying intimate relationship or interfere with our ability to relate properly on a day to day social basis.

Often our attitudes regarding the opposite sex are the root cause for our problems in this area. Reviewing generalizations held regarding the opposite sex (previous section) may be what is called for to begin to solve a problem here. Some persons simply do not have as much drive or desire towards intimacy than others. Often, however, the actual reason for this may be a deeply held generalization not an actual physical inclination. Intimacy is required for the continuance of our society, but compatible desire for intimacy, as well as how this desire is to be expressed is required for a healthy relationship. Honest discussion at the onset of the relationship is vital. A discussion that precedes actual intimacy.

Attitudes towards religious practice are a big area filled with generalization. This ranges from "those without religion are evil" to "those with religion are fools and idiots". Again, just because a generalization may "seem" true, does not mean it is, and certainly does not mean that believing it to be true is beneficial. Social fitness requires that we respect the religious practice of others, as much as is possible. If that practice promotes hate or harmful intolerance, we need to carefully and intelligently consider how we go about persuading others to reconsider that practice.

If we are self employed, our boss is our customer and the government that regulates and taxes us. We all have bosses. So often we develop an attitude about our boss that makes our ego "feel" better, but never resolves the problem that seems to confront us every day. Maybe our boss is often unfair or even cruel, but too often we make this judgement and then make no effort to see what "we" may be doing to contribute to this. Much of what comes into our lives is caused by our mentally expecting it to happen in the first place. Vocational fitness requires that we continually groom our resume and continue our training. This is adequate towards providing us opportunity for finding a job where we will not have a cruel or unfair boss. But if the problem is that we hold visions of unfair treatment in our heads, we will take this problem with us everywhere we go. Generalizations do not need to apply to a whole class of people, they can apply to one person. Generalizations about our boss is an area that this frequently becomes true. Watch for them, and remove their ability to make our lives miserable.

Generalizations here range from "I don't like politics, and so won't be involved" to "this way of thinking is evil and needs to be destroyed". We live in a democratic society, we are required to contribute politically in some way. Some people will share their views often and without much forethought, and some simply will avoid ever sharing their views because "it would only cause problems". Most of these so called views are steeped in generalization and not based on much (if any) research. We need to look at this. We have a responsibility to spend some of our time researching issues and or people, to better find the truth, not just to support the "opinion" we already hold.

Subliminal attitudes towards food are responsible for serious problems for many people. A good diet supports our health and contributes to our happiness in many ways. If we feel vulnerable to self abuse in the area of food, weather it be over eating, under eating or simply eating the wrong foods, we will very likely continue to sustain this eating disorder. Eating foods that we "like" creates pleasure, and too often this is one of too few pleasure we have, so we eat wrong or too much. We then develop a very ingrained habit in this area. Introspection can help us see if we actually feel subject to food, or if the real problem is another aspect of our lives, and causing a problem here. If an honest self inspection does not turn up a psychological cause a trained medical expert will be needed. However, not to routinely look within for how "we" can change our own attitudes, and then place the solution totally in the hands of another is asking for trouble. If food is the primary source for pleasure in our lives, we need to examine our social fitness, as well as others, and begin to establish some alternatives to this aspect.

Attitudes towards work affect us so deeply. Is our work everything to us ? Does it define who we are ? Is our job something we dread ? Do we avoid responsibilities outside our job ? A wholesome and healthy outlook towards work, on the job or volunteering outside of our job, or daily chores, is essential to our vocational and social fitness. Looking forward to our job does not equate to our career or work being our everything. Balance is vital to fitness, and correct attitude vital towards balance. Routine introspection is required in order to achieve this balance.

First we must look inside ourselves and find out what attitudes we hold. We need to list some of the more significant ones. Then and only then will we have a chance for success in cultivating better attitudes. It is not as simple as just telling ourselves an attitude is not beneficial. We will need to work on it, just as with any fitness program, then we can gradually modify or eliminate the negative attitudes or build new positive ones. It will take effort, but the effort is worth it !